Taking care of GUAN XING for Dummies
by Insertmanyfandomshere
Summary: A manual for the GUAN XING unit.


**Introduction**

 **Hello, sucker. You got the GUAN XING unit. I know what you want and let's cut to the chase. This unit is attractive, yes. Has a nice personality? Yes and no as he sorta doesn't have one. But you don't care. He's hot. That's all that matters. What's in his pants is also important too, no? Well, he has no personality, so you have a 50-50 percent chance of getting what you want or don't want. Ah, what am I doing? I need these customers to beat the Amiibos. Ohhhh, those Amiibos... (Get out of my cubicle, sir! Stop ranting about Amiibos! I have to edit this out later...)**

* * *

 **Comes with**

 **Seven (7) green outfits that I can't even make a smart-ass remark about**

 **Seven (7) headbands (He a hippie, man.)**

 **Seven (7) scarves/ascots (Yeah, he need those. Wanna fight about it? Come on, he's right there for you to pick a fight about him about them.)**

 **Two (2) pairs of shoes**

 **Two (2) wing blades that look like Ichigo's new Zanpakuto in the manga (Ha, spoiled it for you.)**

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 **Name: Guan Xing**

 **Gender: Male**

 **Other names: Copy- &-Paste Face, "Free!" Extra, That other guy in yaoi doujins **

**Famous for: Coming out of Guan Yi's dick, having the bromance with the ZHANG BAO unit**

 **Spouse: Nope**

 **Children: Nope**

 **Age: 21 (Meh, just make them all 21.)**

 **Appearance: Looks like Wen Yang/anime character that I've sworn I've seen before**

 **Striking Features: The headband and ascot, pretty face, can fly**

 **Build: Meh. He has some build as he fought in a war.**

 **Quirks: Meh. Has an unhealthy obsession with beards and his father. (Daddy issues.)**

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 **Instructions**

 **He is hostile, so beware when opening the box. Ensure you're not a threat and he won't peace out and fly away. Okay, he's calm now. Now what? Of course, get out the basic introduction stuff out of the way. After you're done, he'll stand there staring at you with blank eyes. Yeah, you need to break the ice. He doesn't even know how to break stone. He's a nice guy, alright? But... Jesus, you might as well order an Amiibo. And the Amiibo has more feelings than him. Get Marth if you want the same experience you're getting with the GUAN XING unit.**

 **Care**

 **He can take care of himself, sheesh. Put your hands where I can see them. He can shower by himself and would prefer a random person NOT touching his wee-wee as he does that. The GUAN XING unit is capable of eating most things, but don't give him junk as he'll just refuse eating all together. Don't you play "here comes the airplane!" with him. He's emotionally challenged, not mentally challenged. He can put food in his mouth without you meddling in. Keep him in shape for maximum quality flying experience when you do unlock his flying skills by taking him to the gym with his sister, the GUAN YINPING unit and just the rest of the Guan family line, I guess.**

 **How to keep your unit happy**

 **I don't know if he does have a happy side. I don't even know if he has an anything side. He is smiling a lot, but how do you know that is a genuine smile? He may be dying on the inside and needs you to bring him back to life. That's why you must be his friend before anything happens sexually. Don't you see? This is an opportunity to change someone's life in a positive way. Even if he's a person made of pixels, he is a human being. You get me? This is the first step to achieving peace with yourself-*big white blob is covering that whole paragraph* (Get out! Don't turn the manual into some self-help book!)**

 **-The GUAN XING unit is NOT dead inside. He is capable of feelings like every other unit we have available. As long you do not fuck with him, then you should be good. Having his family around would be nice. Don't know if your house would take it. He's a young man, so give him things a young man would like to do. Like porn, beer, a loving relationship, a textbook to study for finals, porn, etc. Treat him like a human being, is what I'm saying. Even when he's flying you to things.**

 **This unit will leave or disobey if...**

 **He learns the reason why he goes to that place that involves taking off clothes with/for random strangers is for you to pay off your student loans with the money he makes doing that stuff**

 **You make him do "gay for pay"**

 **You keep jamming dollar bills in his ass crack at his other job you made him go to**

 **The GUAN YU unit is around (You're very inferior to him in GUAN XING's eyes.)**

 **Abuse his flying skill like he's a freaking Pokemon with the move Fly**

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 **Skills**

 **-Chinese fluency**

 **-Is really flexible and light (Perfect for gymnastics! And porn.)**

 **-Can sing? (If porn wouldn't work out, there's Hollywood!)**

 **-Stand-in boyfriend to keep your ex from bothering you again**

 **-Will make your ex look bad with how in shape GUAN XING is and how not-in-shape he is**

 **-Can** *Read this as the song* ** _believe he can fly,_ no really, he can (Downside: he can only fly domestically, not internationally.)**

 ** _-_ Is fairly strong, could help you out with lifting things**

 **-Model (That's if you could get him to do this.)**

 **Romancing**

 **Oh boy, he has to already fly you around VOLUNTARILY. It could mean he already likes you or is plenty comfortable. Now it's the next step. Romance or friendship or bromance or sworn siblings. Oh wait, this is the romancing section, I forgot. You want the romancing, of course. Just play it out like a romance manga. It's bound to work with a pretty boy like him.**

 **Modes**

 **Normal**

 **Airplane**

 **Marth Amiibo *It's not a real mode***

 **See Also:**

 **GUAN YINPING: His sister. Favorite sibling.**

 **GUAN PING: His other brother that's adopted.**

 **GUAN SUO: His other other brother that's imaginary.**

 **GUAN YU: His daddy. Wants to be him for some reason.**

 **FAQ'S**

 _ **Just how much can he make "taking off clothes in front of strangers"?**_

 **Well, depends. How much dignity do you want him to lose?**

 _ **Why can't he fly internationally?! I want to go to Paris! Where we'll married!**_

 **As I said, he's not a fucking Pokemon. Use real planes like everyone else.**

 _ **Will a fake beard make him happy?**_

 **Hell no! He wants the real deal! Too bad his hormones don't let him have that beard.**

 _ **Can he blend things?**_

 **Well, that's going to make things very messy. Sure, try to make a smoothie with him.**

 _ **I lost all of his ascots. Does he really need those? I mean, I don't have to buy those, right?**_

 **He does need those! Are you crazy?! Go buy him new ones, you son of a bitch!**

 _ **I can't tell if he's happy or if his face is stuck like that.**_

 **I don't know either. It takes a master anime fangirl to decode him.**


End file.
